Willpower is like a muscle. Once you overwork your determination, it becomes exhausted. Too often, people set goals and then work away at them and become conflicted because they run out of willpower partly because they are looking for a solution rather than a dissolution of their problem.
I see this when people want to lose weight and they have exhausted themselves and all other diet plans. Something I’ve noticed with clients is the love they have for their parents. And that is not surprising.
But sometimes this stops them letting go of issues that do not serve them. A client in her early 30’s came to me for weight loss. During the session it dawned on her she held onto the weight so she did not disrespect her mother. She felt if she lost the weight then she would be different to her mother. And she believed somewhere deep down this wasn’t showing her mother enough respect. Her mother had given her absolutely everything and my client wanted to be ‘just like her’. But her mother was overweight.
Look to Dissolution not for a Solution
So my client needed to let go of that part of her mother. Initially, she struggled with this. So we discussed whether or not her mother would want her happy. With the client’s permission, we spoke to her mother in the session. So the client imagined the person in front of them and then spoke her truth. In the conversation, the mother expressed her undying love for her child and the importance for her to be who she was.
Enabling the client to let go of this old idea of herself. When we choose not to express ourselves this turns up as conflict inside of us.
In the understanding is not only an answer, but the dissolution of the problem. What do I mean by that?
Loss of Resolve is not the Only Issue
Sometimes we have an ideal solution or a goal born from a problem.
Whether that problem is being stressed or over weight, or lacking money. And we strive for that goal, project how we think we should be, confident, a size 8 or rich. And we think the goal is going to solve our problem, without knowing what the problem is in the first place. We get up early, go to bed late, starve ourselves or set ourselves ridiculous goals exhausting our willpower. We are projecting something we want to be, or think we want to be. But by trying to become this thing, we add another level of conflict within ourselves. And there is more struggle.
To avoid the struggle listen to yourself truly, without comparison or judgment. And through that moment to moment process your inner self will help you see what needs to be changed. Then you will be untethered by past ideas and beliefs and be directed to what is right for you.
Tuning you into you will give you the answers on the next step in life.
By noticing and truly listening, not condemning those things you want to change, it will lead to your transformation.